Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands
before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Takee vo marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare
aur agar Nark jaye to homely feel kare...
Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?
To tell each other affectionately. ..
Sweetheart U R Dead!
There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
All about MARRIAGE without any prejudice
What If Titanic sank Today?
What If Titanic sank Today?
Reaction from different countries:
U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find
you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........whoelse?)
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and
we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is
significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly
behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the
world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough
evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an
accident but it was their suicide bombers who have
commited such a crime.We will now impose curfew on the
Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them,
starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....bastard)
Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received
passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic
debris. Pakistanis will have to pay for such
horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more
soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke
liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening...it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."
Never go to HR for help
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to His HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying. My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
Have a Nice Day.
HR = HIGH RISK
Read a nice Moral of the Day
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three
of them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to
HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the
three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all
misused public positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation
before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or
pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an
English test.
PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and
thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another
chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi wou ld
provide an equal platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily an
passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in hist ory
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not
take any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?" He replied "1947"
and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence
struggle?"
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or
200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who
died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story
IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE
IS NO ESCAPE
Who is Best : Infosys, Wipro or TCS?
One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from
TCS, went out for a walk.
"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"
Why not, said the other two.
The Infosian said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh,
works for the best firm".
Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the
monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still.
As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny
gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put...
Now, comes the Infosian. Being the practical guy he was always trained to
be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out
laughing at him ..
The other two were astonished. So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take
another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"
So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy
narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed
again...
Then, the Infosian again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh!
It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder!
The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the tcs guy said "OK,
you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's
make this monkey run".
and he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed
where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the
monkey- still No go.
So...here comes Infosian, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The
Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was
scared to death!
The other two surrendered.
They Said: "OK, we give up.
You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But
Please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.
"Well", said the Infosian, "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work
for Infosys. The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it
started crying.
And then I told that I was here for recruitment! !!
